Have you ever truly explored your Yoni?
Did you know you have an A spot (and even an N spot)?
I hadn’t and I didn’t.
Yoni Mapping Therapy is a pelvic wellness modality for women, developed by Bonnie Bliss, author of 13 Ways to Discover the Superpowers of your Vagina. The modality challenges women to go beyond pre conditioned stigma, and truly explore your most mysterious region. Think of it as a therapy session, which includes a delicious full body massage, outside… and in. You receive a “guided tour” by a trained woman, who is completely open, respectful and full of powerful knowledge that will empower and shake you beyond belief.
HOW I FOUND YONI MAPPING
When I was in Bali on my retreat with Sally Mustang, many conversations were held with women in safe spaces. Women holding space for women to speak their inner most truths without judgement, truths that they may not have been able to share with a friend or lover. During a discussion with a small group of women, the subject of childbirth came up. Being one of the only mum’s in this group naturally a lot of the women turned to me for some answers and guidance. I spoke with the careful caution a lot of women do when addressing women who have yet to experience birth. You know, you don’t want to scare them, but you want to be real too. I spoke about the highs and lows of pregnancy and the brutal yet beautiful birth of Wylie. With Wylie, I experienced an ‘anterior cervical lip’ – meaning I was not completely dilated, however he was pushing to come out which brought on those guttural urges to push him out. This is an agonising situation which causes early and unnecessary pushing. I was told not to push which felt EXTREMELY wrong, the idea being the pressure from baby would be enough to get passed the lip. It wasn’t for me, and the doctor manually moved him past. This was without a doubt the most soul crunching, piecing pain I have ever experienced in my life. I shudder thinking of it, and wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I’m talking hand up there, holding his head, tearing my cervix all during a contraction- wahhhhhh. The minute he moved passed the cervix it was on, and he was out in 45 minutes. – Needless to say, I carried a lot of trauma from this, more than I was willing to admit. In fact, it has haunted me from that day and was a contributing factor for putting off baby number two.
Since Wylie’s birth all I could associate my Yoni with was pain. I never went for my check up after birth, never went to get my pap smear. It took a really, really long time to be intimate with #tattdaddy. It changed me, to my core. I couldn’t explain to Simon what was wrong with me I thought I would get over it with time. Slowly I made progress, but I never felt like ‘me’. I am positive there are many women who feel the same.
It was during this talk about traumatic births that the subject of ‘Yoni Mapping’ came up. I had never heard the term. I knew that ‘Yoni’ was a mystical, magical word for ‘vagina’ – It is technically the Sanskrit word for the whole of the vagina, translation being source of all life, divine passage (Also how much nicer does it sound than va-giiiii-na). One of the Yoga instructors, Sarah, talked about her personal experiences with trauma in her sacrum area and how Yoni Mapping had opened her world up to a lot of healing and release. She spoke of ‘numbness’ that builds up within a woman, how we store everything we ever feel in this special and sacred part of our bodies. I knew this was why I had come here, to hear this conversation. Manifestation, positive energy- being completely open and willing to accept divine timing is what life is all about. Sarah instantly contacted Mariam from The Womb Temple. Mariam happened to be in Sydney at the time- coincidently- I was flying into Sydney! Miriam had one spot left, just for me.
I was feeling a tonne of emotions leading up to this. I was scared, I will freely admit this. I was so nervous, I nearly cancelled twice. I knew on a fundamental level though that this was something I had to face.
I didn’t know what to expect from our brief conversations leading up to the appointment, but Mariam was electric! Not in a chaotic way, she was just brimming with life and energy and heat. The heat was warmth, understanding and genuine love. She was down to earth, caring and considerate. I don’t know if I’ve ever had anyone listen to me with such genuine interest, concern and understanding before. One of the rooms in her Sydney apartment has been transformed into a sacred space, beautiful music playing, soft lighting and delicious oils burning. Although this process has a lot to do with your body and sexuality, it didn’t feel sexual to me. It was ‘women’s business’. Mariam starts the session with a general chat, which included some basics of the female anatomy. The conversation organically grew deeper. She works at your pace- she will only move forward with your consent- she asks you this multiple times.
I told Mariam about my birth experience and some other things from my past I would consider ‘trauma’. She graciously accepted everything I had to say and did not pass any single thing off as trivial. After our conversation, Mariam led me to the massage table. She proceeded to massage my body using reiki breathing techniques, clearing and moving energy. She changed oils for different areas of the body, particularly when she worked on the breasts and heart area. When the massage was complete, Mariam sat on the end of the massage table, my legs wrapped around her. Now, I know this is many a peoples fantasies- I can assure you at this stage it of course felt intimate, I was completely naked with my legs around this woman, but it didn’t feel sexual. It wasn’t clinical either. I don’t know if I have the words to fully describe it, it was a surrender to the process knowing I was safe and being guided by an expert. Mariam also refers to the ‘Yoni’ like it is a separate part of you, its own living entity, you but not you. I think this helps disconnect you from the ‘sexual’ aspect. She is touching ‘Yoni’ not ‘me’. And in the end you realise that your physical body is separate from you in many ways.
Mariam began with an external massage, she showed me where to find tension points within the outer labia and how to extinguish these before they become a bigger energy build up. After sometime she moves inside and works in a clock motion, each segment in the circle being a number to tweleve. Here the mapping begins. She touches an area and asks what you feel, a tingle, warmth, nothing? Some areas were instantly warm or tingly- pleasure states. Other areas, I couldn’t even tell you where her finger was- Numb. She massaged these areas and feeling came back! In numb areas she would ask things like, ‘what does this bring up for you?’ or ‘what do you see? A colour, a person, a time?’ It was very informative and so darn interesting! It was interesting to me that she could feel my internal scar from birthing, and where I had torn from birth I was completely numb, after some massaging she was able to bring feeling back to this area. One section hurt, really bad when she touched it. I had ligament damage which was a result of a leg strain at Netball…. (bloody netball). I started to think how much we neglect this area, take it for granted and don’t give it the attention it deserves when it is responsible for so, so, so much, physically and spiritually.
Mariam then moved deeper to the cervix, this is where the energy shifted, I was enveloped in what felt like shame. Mariam was aware also and began breathing with me, doing her magical business. We then went into a guided type meditation. I was taken to a place that was all silver, (I don’t know why, but this was the colour I kept using in my manifestation work), it was like I was standing in mist. All I could hear was Mariam’s voice and a deep thrum within me pulsating from my cervix. Through the meditation Mariam asked me to voice what I felt toward my Yoni, the only word that was beating against my heart, soul and lips was betrayal. Tears flowed. Minutes passed, maybe hours I don’t know. Mariam was working some Yoni magic with her breathing and massaging. I felt a release, almost like a pop of a balloon, or a door opening and it was like all the mist was pulled from the room. Mariam said, ‘What is your Yoni telling you?’
‘I’m sorry’ was my answer. And I kept thinking, I have my gift, from the darkness and shadows I was given a gift, that being a child. My breathing calmed and I felt the release of the weight that seemed to be holding onto me. Mariam gently left my Yoni, and then me to gather myself. I’m sure Mariam had tears also, she took on so much energy and gave a lot of her own. Afterwards we drank some cool water and talked some more. She warned me that my integration back into the ‘world’ may be a little rough and I should be extra sensitive with myself and take rest. I felt bizarre, elated, mystified, joyous and sad all at once.
There has definitely been a shift in me as a person since this experience, Mariam provided me with follow up details of books, websites and activities I could pursue to continue this journey of self-acceptance and recognition. There is so much to know and do! Your body stores everything, every time you had sex ‘just because he wanted to’ or before your Yoni was ready (Did you know on average it takes 45 minutes for a woman to be completely ready for penetration- pre game people! Foreplay is so important!), your body will hold that energy within you. If left unattended that energy stagnates, clings to you and your fuse. You become numb. It infiltrates your psyche and changes you, I know this. Maybe even you reading this are realising that this could be true for you also.
Every Yoni Mapping experience is different, the feelings after can be different. I think every woman should have it done, just to better understand yourself and to give you the confidence to express yourself sexually. This is the place where life is created, where it is stored, where it is birthed. It is more than that though, for a woman whether you have children or not, our life force is borne from this area, it drives us and changes us (every month!) It should be honoured and respected, I am so thankful to Mariam for this experience and am happy to be taking myself on this journey of discovery. If you would like more information please feel free to contact me, or Mariam! This modality is picking up momentum which is amazing to see, all hail the divine feminine for she is magnificent!